No Regrets
by oro-chan
Summary: From Daigoro's POV; his thoughts while on the brink of life and death. Guide and character intros for those who havent watched that section of the anime. R & R, onegai!


No Regrets  
  
  
  
Standard Disclaimer : All characters are property of Waysuki Nobuhiro. I do not, have never and never will own them *sob* I do, however, own a computer, a modem, and half a brain, which is how this fic came about. So sue me, and that's all u'll be getting *plasters on Fujita Gorou-style salesman grin* However, call now and order….oops I mean review…and u'll be getting lotsa little ficlets sprouting up all over this site! ^_^x  
  
Chibi Wufei: And that's supposed to be a GOOD thing, baka onna?!?!?  
  
Chibi Meiran: Maa…maa….anata *somehow manages to drag katana-wielding Chibi Wufei off the screen* ^_^;;  
  
For those who havent seen the…emm…Kaishu Katsu arc (what IS it called anyway!??!?!) of the anime, I've provided some character intros here:  
  
Daigoro: Student of Kaishu Katsu, a bookworm, not too good at swords, later is taken in by Kaoru when Katsu leaves him. Dark straight hair, spectacles, small build. Age unstated in the anime, but seems slightly older than Yahiko. This story is written from his POV.  
  
Kaishu Katsu: One of the Ishin Shishi patriots during the Bakumatsu War. Made a negotiation with the Shogunate involving some money to avoid bloodshed in Kyoto, but was accused of trying to use the government's money for his own gains.  
  
Itsuko: Katsu's daughter, seems much older than Daigoro. Good in cooking.  
  
Tetsuma: Katsu's only other student. Learnt the art of fencing in the West, and fights with a Western-style sword. Was actually a spy trying to find out where Katsu hid the government's money.  
  
Beni Ao: A group who hates Katsu because they think his decision to negotiate peacefully with the Shogunate caused them to lose their honour and wealthy lifestyles. Kidnapped Itsuko to try and lure Katsu out and kill him.  
  
Chibi Meiran and Chibi Wufei: Cute characters of Gundam Wing which serve no purpose in this story ^_^;;  
  
Glossary of Japanese terms which all anime fans SHOULD know, but newayz:  
  
Bokutou: wooden sword. I could never tell the difference between this and a shinai, however =P  
  
Sensei: teacher, or honorific suffix. Students of the sword sometimes call their teacher "shishou", like in Kenshin's case. But Daigoro uses "sensei" when he speaks to Kaoru or Katsu (probably it's for the best anyway….imagine….Shishou Kaoru?!!? 0_0x)  
  
Baka onna: Stupid female ^_^; Wufei's trademark phrase.  
  
Anata: What women call their husbands  
  
Now on to the real stuff!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
The wind rustled through the trees, causing the shadows to sway eerily in a silent moonlight dance. On my right I glimpsed the silhouette of Sano; tall, and rigid against the pale moon, powerful fists ready to do battle. The red-haired rurouni on my left looked puny in comparison, but I could feel strength and determination emanating from the kindly-looking blue eyes. Kaoru and Yahiko stood side by side behind me, their bokutous held ready in their hands. Despite the tense atmosphere and impending sense of doom, I felt gratitude washing over me.These people were my friends, mine and Itsuko's. Never before have I met people so strange and different, and yet so warm and noble.  
  
How well I remember the first day I met them, the day my sensei Katsu abandoned me in the street, saying I was not good enough for him. His eyes were full of wisdom and the pain that came of it, but there was a flicker in it I could not fathom. Evidently sensei knew something which I did not…..but now what was I to do? Sensei's dojo was my only home; I was raised in it for as long as I could remember. Then a young lady named Kaoru offered me a place to stay in her dojo and Kenjutsu lessons.  
  
Throughout my whole life, even though I was the student of a master swordsman of his time, I had never mastered the use of a sword. Oh, I had admired people who could hold their own in a fight; I remember watching with envy while Tetsuma sparred with sensei using the deft strokes of his Western-style sword. And Itsuko…she had admired him too.  
  
Itsuko…..she was to me the crystalline stars in the heavens on a still winter's night, the buds fresh with life on a spring's morning, the warm glowing sun in the midday sky. She meant so much to me…yet….in all my years of knowing her, since childhood, I never told her how I felt, how much I looked up to her. After all, what if she laughed; what if she dismissed it as a young child's fascination for an older person? And how could I blame her, if she did? Being so much older, she naturally looked upon me as a kid; as a younger brother to protect, not as a guy she could share her thoughts and ideals with, whom she could confide in, whom she could trust and believe in and truly care about. Oh, she was so kind to me; she was a friend even in childhood when I couldn't do the simplest things well such as carrying water and chopping wood and swimming. In fact, she never complained, never looked down at me, never treated me differently from anyone else; she encouraged me to continue in my strange hobby: reading. Reading was not of not much use; it was not like sword fighting skills which could protect, cooking skills which could feed, social skills which could earn many friends. And indeed, all of the latter I admit I lacked. But was it so wrong……was it so wrong to be fascinated by dreams and ideas so abstract they only existed in the realm of words?? Was it wrong to be drawn into worlds and people that only lived in imagination, and indeed carried such naïve concepts about peace and love and sincerity that they simply could not have existed in the harsh reality of post-Bakumatsu that we were living in??? Was it wrong not to be so strong as other boys my age were, but instead believe that someday misunderstandings could be resolved in peace?? Sensei Katsu had told me that everyone had to play a different part in life, that everyone had different abilities, that everyone had a right to choose their path in life to create the new society that was emerging after all the bloodshed and chaos.  
  
However, I could not help but compare myself to Tetsuma: handsome, tall, Tetsuma. He always seemed to know what to say; he always looked so confident and sure of himself; he was already a man in every sense although he was but five years older than me. He was well-versed in politics and the ways of the world and talented at the sword….and what was I?? I had nothing but intelligence and my books. Surely Itsuko was impressed with his success, and surely I looked like a failure compared to him. Yet….yet the spark of hope did not leave me, and the vision of Itsuko and the music of her voice carried me through many long days.  
  
However, when Kaoru-sensei decided to take me in as a student of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu, I made a decision. I had always longed to be better in martial arts, now someone was offering me the chance to do something about it. I would try my very best, and someday, even if I could never rival Tetsuma, I might be able to prove myself as a worthy warrior in my own right. But the days were long and hard, doing manual labour I had never been accustomed to. It took me two hours to do what Yahiko, two years my junior, could accomplish in a mere half an hour. I could never seem to get my strokes and stances right; I felt clumsy and I was sure I looked stupid. Even Kaoru who was so enthusiastic in the beginning began to slow down on me, whether because she was afraid she'd cause me to break my back or because she had given up all hope for me, I dared not ask. Everyday Yahiko got better and better…and me??? I was still the same Daigoro after all, the pitiful small boy who could never be anything else in Itsuko's eyes.  
  
One day, however, a visitor appeared at the dojo, and it was none other than Itsuko herself! Apparently she had given up persuading her father to take me back in, and had decided to reside with me in the dojo with me until I was strong enough to go back. I felt so grateful to her…and yet…sad. Sad that I had to cause her all this trouble. And I wondered whether she had really come because she pitied me and thought I could never survive on my own. How could I believe that she loved me, me who qualified only to be her kid brother?? It was impossible.  
  
Yet even though I knew Itsuko could never care for me the way I longed for, I continued to hope and to silently love her. I'm sure she never realized it as I never showed it , and perhaps it was better that way. So it was natural that when I heard of her kidnapping, I was beyond stunned. I was completely lost, afraid, and worried; worried to breaking point. How could I let something bad happen to her?? But did I have a choice??? If I went with the Kenshin-gumi to save her, would I not only be a nuinsance, a hindrance to the mission? However, at that moment I made what I think was the biggest decision in my life. I decided to go with them; I decided that I could not stand by and let other people rescue the person I cared for most in the world. I could not let other people decide and do things for me anymore. How I was going to do it, I did not know. It was probably an act of stupidity, not of bravery.  
  
And so here I ended up, crouching in the undergrowth surrounding a bo\roken- down shack on the perimeter of town. Beads of cold sweat formed on my forehead, and I could feel my limbs tensing up. What am I doing here? I wondered. Fear began to surmount in me; fear and doubt.  
  
Suddenly, I saw the leader of the Beni Ao shoving a bent, small figure out of the door. Itsuko! I felt a rage in me; a strange feeling I had never experienced before. How dared they do this to her? Cowards! Didn't they realize that all this had nothing to do with her, and that her father's decision had saved innumerable precious lives? They were so obsessed with their concepts of honour and dignity, that they had stooped to the level of kidnapping an innocent woman to scare her father into giving them what they wanted.  
  
Itsuko knelt by the side of the shack, but when the leader turned his back on her, she got up and ran, her footsteps echoing in the silence. I clenched my bokutou, gritting my teeth.  
  
Itsuko, no!!!! I pleaded silently. You'll be killed!  
  
The leader turned towards her, his face hard, cold and merciless. His hand reached for his katana, sliding it ever so slightly out of its sheath.  
  
Itsuko!!! Brown eyes trembling with fear and burning with tears in her pale face. What could I do?? What could I do to save her from this maniac?  
  
Her foot caught a stone and she tripped, sprawling flat on the ground with a scream that pierced my heart. The man walked towards her. Those eyes…those cruel eyes of steel…I could not let them get to her…  
  
"ITSUKO!!!!!" Scarcely knowing what I was doing, I charged headfirst at the man, gripping my sword with both hands.  
  
The words of sensei echoed in my head: "The young people of this era must choose their destiny and protect what is most precious to them." There can be nothing I value more than Itsuko. I have been afraid for too long, I must make my own decisions.  
  
"Everyone has a part to play in life, a burden to bear, a goal to fulfill." I cannot crouch behind others any longer, nothing can be gained this way.  
  
"I have lived my life believing in my decisions, and I have no regrets." No regrets…  
  
"Itsuko!!!!!! Sensei Katsu!!!!!" Letting forth a cry, I lunged at the man, raising my bokutou above my head. Eyes of steel, mocking me, mocking Itsuko and sensei Katsu, mocking everything I believed in.  
  
I prepared to strike, but another member of the Beni Ao suddenly appeared in my path. I turned my body to avoid him, swinging my sword at the same time…  
  
The leader stepped aside…I felt steel plunging into my side….all around was a blur of grass and flashing swords and streaks of red….red…the colour of blood….  
  
It was quiet….so quiet. A gentle wind caressed my face. Drops of water were falling on my forehead….my ears caught the sound of someone sobbing faintly. It-Itsuko…??? "Daigoro…Daigoro.. please wake up…" Itsuko was calling…calling me…why could I not get up?  
  
"Daigoro…don't die…I couldn't bear it if you died…" I realized I was content to have her love as a sister, that it was more precious than any other bond that could ever exist between us. She loved me as family; it was not her fault that it could not be any other way…Don't cry, Itsuko. It was not really for you that I did this, but because of you. Yes, it was because of you that I could conquer my fears and uncertainty, and choose my path and future…  
  
"Daigoro, it's all my fault." No, Itsuko. You gave me more in life than I could ever repay you for, even through death. Remember…remember the day you told me you believed in me, in my future as your father's student? Remember the evenings we spent together sitting in the garden, enjoying the pure bliss of a peaceful life?  
  
Peace….it's strange, but I feel it more than ever now. I no longer hate myself for being the person I am; I'm no longer discontented. It's as if a great burden has been lifted from my chest. I have no regrets….  
  
  
  
Even though this is based on the Katsu episodes of the anime, u might have noticed that I adapted it a little…..in fact in the anime, Daigoro doesn't die…he was saved because the sword hit a book which he always kept in his gi instead of going into his side. (It's a Jules Verne book, the title isnt shown, but I THINK it's "To the Moon and Back" cuz he keeps talking about shooting a man to the moon with a cannon ^_^. Hmmmm, gotta drop by the bookshop to pick it up and find out whether or not Verne REALLY wrote that =P)  
  
Whoops, gomen for the unforewarned spoiler …. anyway in this story, it's left to the reader to deicde whether or not Daigoro actually dies and whether he killed anyone in the attempt or not. I might continue it, I might not; it might be interesting to continue since I doubt there are any other stories bout Daigoro and co. on this site; but somehow this piece didn't end up as I hoped it would… So should I do more, or am I just wasting my time?? Tell me what u guys think!  
  
So newayz, read and review, onegai shimasu…don't flame too hard, it's my first attempt……So why dusnt a newbie like me do the plain old K&K or S&M or A&M pairings instead of writing about a half-forsaken character that nobody has heard much about? Well, that might just be the exact reason. Daigoro is pretty much a neglected character in the anime, but it seems to me his personality has much development potential, and he's just…different…not the typical cool bishounen. I guess I wanted to explore his feelings and give the reader a little idea of my interpretation of what he must have been thinking during the scariest moment of his life. Well what can I say, I was always weird ^_^x 


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